The Nissan Dealership.
I'm sitting in the saddest cafe in America. It's the "Caribbean cafe-wifi-hotspot-free coffee dirt drink" holding area in the Nissan dealership. There are four plain tables, it's silent, and there is an empty fridge with the sign "Free complimentary water bottles, take one!" behind me. The cafe is selling Costco muffins, fruit, fun-sized bags of Cheetos and canned soda like some kind of church fundraiser.
I brought in my wife's Nissan Murano for new wiper blades, a tire rotation and an oil change. Please don't bring to my attention fourteen other things that you see wrong with the car. I have a $100 bill and a coupon, I do not look like the type of person who is going to pay for a new something-pump on a whim. You could have said the car would explode any day now, and I would give you a $100 and a blank stare.
I've come up front 3 times now to see if the car was ready. You keep telling me "just have a seat sir, we'll come get you when it's ready"... The problem is you told me it would take an hour and a half, and it's been over two hours now. I know you don't give two shits about me and my general disheveled look, but I promise I do have to be somewhere at somepoint. Also, why does it take over two hours to change wiper blades, oil and rotate the tires? I could have watched a bootlegged copy of "Gravity" front to back before you ever hand me my keys.
Also, stop wearing your class ring. You're 45 years old. It makes no sense. Or does it? If I had to guess the career of a middle-aged guy whose only jewelry consisted of a gold chain necklace and class ring, I would probably guess that he works at a Nissan dealership. Regardless, you are #theworst
My Restaurant Manager.
If you are a chef, and that is your life's work, take pride in it. I get that. If that is your passion, then be passionate about it. If you are the owner of a restaurant and are crazy, then seriously love the shit out of that restaurant. Please do not expect the same from your employees. The guy deep frying those sweet potato fries doesn't care. The hostess doesn't care.
There are two types of people in shitty job scenarios, the people that fight for what they believe in, while making roughly 20k a year, and the people who just spend every day trying not to get fired.
I get it, you're 30, didn't make it as a musician, recently married and looking to flex a little muscle. Why not become a restaurant manager? It's perfect! You get to tell the people below you to shove it, and you get business cards! With that kind of power, who needs dreams!
If I or any employee shows up on time, does what's asked of them, and says yes to every unnecessary task then please don't punish them if they seem less than enthusiastic when getting that table more ranch dressing.
You are a manager at a semi-upscale family restaurant. You didn't invent the recipes for the menu and you aren't the owner. You order the toilet paper and eat snacks in the office. Occasionally you hire and fire people. Stop pretending like that is a big deal. You also have a ponytail. While I assume that may actually be in the job description for "restaurant manager" it still looks stupid. I can't say I never sported a ponytail, but I can say I've never been a GM of a burger joint, and I would consider that a win in my court.
I am not saying you shouldn't work hard in a job. But there is a difference between working hard and being an idiot. When you go to a gas station or Taco Bell, and the person assisting you is overly enthused to the point of excitement, it's just as annoying as the kid who refuses to help you find a firewire cable at Best Buy. BOTH are bad. If your job is a "job" and not a career then just show up and work it, fake a smile and occasionally tell the boss that you are having a good time. I should not be expected to do anything more than the absolute minimum when I made a total of seven thousand dollars last year.
Ponytail-snack-boss,.... you are #theworst.
With the above in mind, know that I don't have a lot of money. I throw parties and give people more free booze and swag than an awards show, yet sometimes people think my wife and I are rich. While that $5 you paid to drink keg beer all night is much appreciated, it doesn't really go directly to my 401k. I'm not complaining, I just want to get the facts straight.
Also, my wife and I can't stop picking up furry creatures near dumpsters. Something about the smell of trash in the air makes the eyes of a kitten look that much more adorable.
I love my life, I have an amazing wife and an extremely fun household. All our dogs and cats and bird get along and there's a lot of love. The only problem with a lot of love is that you can't pay rent with a lot of love.
Thus, I was looking to get a loan to consolidate my debt. My credit is okay, and by okay I mean that in college I used credit cards to buy most things instead of using money that you earn. Student loans really meant "a few textbooks but mostly not" and I was generally just really bad with money.
I'm trying to improve, and working as earnestly as possible to better my situation. That's when I came across a website that promised me a loan up to $2500 guaranteed regardless of my credit situation. I've seen ads and commercials like this before, but this one was so convincing in it's "seriously! Fuck credit scores! Here's money for you!" approach.
I entered in the necessary information, including how much I made last year (I put more than $7,000...I figured five figures look a little better on paper) and waited for my response.
First off, they could not approve me. This website claimed they approved EVERYONE! I'm not even hobo, I'm a pretty normal citizen and I couldn't get approved. Secondly, they said it was because my credit score was too low. I checked my score recently and I was definitely average. Being average is pretty acceptable in most areas of life, and you would think this included small short term loans.
But I guess that just like in the burger business, average just doesn't cut it if you wanna get ahead.
That loan website is full of false promises and is #theworst.